|I want to tell you a story about how the flow is always flowing in the right direction in its mystical ways, even when it doesn’t feel like it is! And you realize it’s actually just your growth capacity initiation.|
|Last weekend I was planning to send out a newsletter to tell people about my new retreat. |
I have started to attract towards me a beautiful team to support my business and now have someone helping me with social communications, so I can share more. We had agreed to send out a newsletter on Saturday. Saturday came and went, and I had not heard from her (or I thought I had not).
One of the hardest things for me about finding a team to support me, is actually trusting that there are people who can show up in the solid way that I need. In my upbringing I often did not have that support.
How this relates to capacity work is that my nervous system has a learned pathway of contraction in this area, expecting others to bail in the last moment when I’m really relying on them. My fight response kicks in and I go into survival mode, thinking “I will just handle everything myself”. Which was also my relational capacity limitation because “avoidant attachment style” was my go to strategy a lot in the past.
And this is what happened last weekend, when I thought my colleague had not showed up as she said she would. But here is the twist… She had actually sent me the information I needed from her. It was right there on the page when I clicked on the link. But in my triggered state my eyes simply were not seeing it! Or there was a funky twist with technology since it’s a Mercury Retrograde season. We can always blame that :))))
This moment I call the capacity edge glass ceiling, conflicting meeting point where new you meets old you. The moment where you are initiated for growth and capacity expansion.
I now see that I was clearing something out from this pattern of not feeling support can be reliable, I had to feel what was not maybe fully felt and the flow is perfect because the delay in sending the info caused me to postpone my retreat which actually felt better for all kinds of reasons!
These pathways we have learned can be rewired when we tune into what is happening in our body, simply notice and choose differently, and make new rules what is true to us now. They may be well worn grooves, but as I experience on my own journey, the new grooves are equally ready to be formed. We can literally change our go-to response in moments of things not working out as planned. This leads to incremental, subtle but significant shifts in our every day lives, which, after all, make up our broader experience.